Good News...Bad News........

Good news…

I weighed myself this morning….and the scale said 269.2!!!!! If that's accurate, that would mean I've lost 9 pounds in 3 weeks!!!!! Meaning my total weight loss since surgery is 18 pounds. And total weight loss since January is 28 pounds!!!!! How Awesome!!!! Isn't God Great!!!!! I've noticed that my clothes are really starting to fit well!! In fact, I've received several compliments from co-workers. I never really noticed how good dressing up can make you feel. With the exception of today, I've been wearing heels everyday this week!!! In fact, on Tuesday, I wore a suit, making people think I was going to an interview!!! I'm so excited for the spring and summer. I've always like wearing bright colors, and sandals, but the prospect of being able to wear clothes in a small size, just makes me giddy!!!

Bad News…

I started my period this morning, I want to crawl into a ball. I feel nausea, so I'm afraid to eat anything. I didn't want to come in to work today, but I knew that two key people were out of the office today..and we can't have the office three people down…

Talk about sacrifice!!! Does this mean, I'm being mature???

I don't know what's going on. I've never had bad cramps before, just a uncomfortable couple of days.. But this mess today, this is for the birds. My whole body just aches, I keep unbuttoning my jeans in hope of some relief. Oh, God...Please provide comfort. I want to make it through the rest of the day..

Also, since January I've been wearing my hair in braids. It's much easier to manage, I can exercise without fear of what my hair will look like later. It's a great joy just getting up in the morning, and not having to touch my hair. Saturday, I went and had my braids redone. After 6 hours of sitting in a chair, my hair was beautifully redone.

Well, last night, I'm sitting on my bed running my fingers through my hair, getting ready to oil my scalp, when I notice how loose several of the braids are in the back, and that several of the braids were missing. I will not tell you how much it costs to put these braids in my hair, but I will tell you that I was HOT. When I called the Braid place this morning, the lady gave me attitude, like I did something wrong to her.. SHE acted funny when I said I would be coming in today to get the back of my head re-done. She just keep saying you got it done Saturday…Yeah, lady, I said Saturday...

So pray for me that I don't lose my mind on sister-girl, when I go to get my hair done this evening. I don't need any problems.

My New Addiction

I've tried avoiding it..But it's my new addiction. And this one I am proud of...

I am addicted to slightly frozen water, and packets of Crystal Light. I don't know what they put in that stuff, but I'm addicted. I can barely get though the day without at least three packets, which equal at least three bottles of water a day.

When I first get to work, I immediately put a bottled water in the freezer...and then eat my breakfast of oatmeal, and a turkey sausage. I wait an hour and then I'm almost running down the hall to my "dessert" or my Raspberry delight.......As soon as I take one out, another water goes in the freezer. Now I must warn you, you have to be very careful..If you leave a bottled water in the freezer too long, it will freeze completely leaving you completely empty of joy. But if you stay on top of the time, you will be richly rewarded.

And if everything is working as planned, my water is slightly frozen, the Raspberry concoction is mixed in, it's like a smoothie for only 10 CALORIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's seriously Heaven in a Bottle. I'm not kidding.

The only problem comes in when I get home...I can't leave a bottle in the freezer all day that just won't work, when I try to put it in when I first get home, it's not cold enough when I'm ready to drink....So while I'm home I normally have to cope with normal, bland, unflavored water....Such a waste!!!!

Support

Every sense I've had my surgery, I've been shocked and encouraged by the level of support that I have received from my family and friends..However, no matter how much encouragement I received there was still a level of comfort that I was not able to find with people that didn't understand where I was coming from. After I learned that I had gained five pounds, I was so upset..and no matter how much I tried to explain, everyone just kept saying..Be patient. But I didn't want to be patient, I wanted results....

My surgeon suggested I attend the support group for people that have had weight loss surgery either, lap band or gastric bypass. I was very curious what I would learn, and who I would meet. From the very beginning of the support group, I was overcome with a sense of comfort..These people were like me, they looked they me..I felt normal for the first time in months.

Our support groups offers helpful thoughts on how to deal with the changes in your body, and why we eat concern foods. I was grateful for the opportunity to "let my hair down", relax, and learn.

Renewed..

Over the past three nights, my church has had a revival. Sometimes you just never know how or why God moves you to be in certain places. For the past three nights, I have entered my churches sanctuary in anticipation of hearing a word from God, and each night the Holy Spirit would bless the men of God, to deliver such powerful messages.

I am so thankful for the opportunity to be in a relationship with God. To know that even in my valley moments, God has already granted me the victory. What amazing power, mercy, and grace. What an astounding love...

Each time I am blessed to hear the Rev. Jeremiah Wright from Trinity United Church in Chicago, or Rev. Frederick Haynes from Friendship West in Dallas..I am encouraged that God still has delivering power. Sometimes, I get so wrapped up in what's going on around me, so consumed with my agenda, and my things to do list, that I lose site on whose given me the power to do anything.

While cleaning out my documents on my computer, I found this letter someone had e-mailed me. I don't know the author, but it so perfectly summed up my feeling at this very moment.

" The God we serve, which is the God of love, demands and requires of us foreplay before He gives us what we need. In the book of Ruth, the mother-in-law tells Ruth, "You have to wash." John 15:3 reminds us,"Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you." When you sit in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you are taking a shower. When you hear the unadulterated Word of God, then the dirt and grime that you've accumulated all week long begins to wash off of you. Ask God to "create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit." Stand in the word. Then wait upon the Lord to renew your strength."

That's how I feel at this very moment...I didn't now that I was operating on a half-tank.. But to be filled with the knowledge of my Lord, and Savior...Oh, how sweet..

I couldn't let this spirit of revival go without encouraging someone else. No matter what your current situation, please stand firm. Know that the Lord, our God is strong enough to handle your burdens. Shout for victory, before, during, and after the battle. Stand believing and receiving that God is performing a mighty work in and though you. Just let Him take Control.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing...

Slight Set Back

Throughout the past three weeks, I have disciplined myself to doing what I was told. If my doctor said eat this, I ate that and nothing more. I have been really trying. During this time, I'd notice that the scale was going up instead of down..But I would push the feeling off because I'd just eaten, or something to that affect.

After reading a couple of blogs earlier this week, I began to feel like maybe I wasn't eating enough. I was so concentrated on getting my 50 grams of protein that I didn't notice that I was not really eating filling food. Throughout this time, John has been telling me I should be eating more, but I figured, I was doing just fine.

Well, at the doctors office yesterday for my first fill, I weighed in a 277.0... ( Note: this is a 5 pound gain) I know... The point of this surgery was to lose weight, not to gain weight. Last night, I was hurt. I mean, I've done everything that they asked, but I'd missed some valuable information.

When it became time for me to return to eating solids, I haven't returned to eating meat. I've stayed with baked fish, and tuna..But no chicken, or beef. Both the doctor and dietician are confident, that by eating more solid food, things I'm really going to have to chew, I will start to shed pounds.

I hope that they are right, and I'm happy that I was corrected early on. From here on out I will ask myself two questions before I began eating:

1. Is this food healthy for me?
2. Will this food keep me full???

If I can't answer both of those questions, I need to find other options.

Food

It's almost been a month since I had my lap band surgery. A whole month... It seems odd. I don't feel any different, I don't look different. At times I want to tap myself on the stomach and ask is this thing on!!

As of Thursday, my mushie/soft food phase ended. According to my Registered Dietician, I could begin eating solid foods. I thought I would be excited. I haven't had regular food since the beginning of February. But instead of feeling liberated, I felt confined by the possibility of eating.

Since the surgery I've been retraining myself to eat to live, and not live to eat. .. But now what?? What do I do when the doctors says, you are now ready to enter the world filled with food. You are no longer bound by five things to eat. What do I do??? What do I do???

It's hard to explain, I feel like I've been in this protective bubble for the last month, and now I'm exposed to the elements. And for everything that I've been through, I don't want to be contaminated.

I knew this would be a struggle of mine...Once I set my mind to something I go for it, but once the routine changes I have a heard time adjusting.

God grant me the strength.

Cake and Ice Cream

Today was my companies March Birthday party....

I'm still in the soft/mushie phrase, and for what I've read cake is not on the list.

So I'm standing there feeling awkward, as everyone around me is talking about how good the cake is. Then my boss notices I'm not eating, and decides to announce his findings to everyone, like I'm an art exhibit. I've managed to stay on my plan, but it was really hard to stand my ground when everyone is looking at you, expecting you to eat.

My excuse, while true, was that I didn't want to ruin my appetite because I hadn't eaten lunch yet.

But honestly, that cake looked good.

Temptation, temptation, temptation.... In my head, I started to rationalize that maybe a small little piece wouldn't hurt, or maybe if I don't eat the icing no one will know. As I was going through all these scenarios in my mind, I started thinking about my post from yesterday. I have the power to choose.

I chose not to have cake, and instead participated in a conversation about birthday parties. I'm thankful that I didn't give in, and that God provided another way to still be included without having to break my routine...I thank God for small victories.

The Power to Choose

About six years ago, I heard a saying that I will take with me for the rest of my life. While attending a seminar the speaker said, " The biggest lie that adults tell children is that Knowledge is Power." I was shocked and almost upset. I had heard that all my life, in fact, I remember seeing signs with that quote all around my school and I think my mother had hung one in my bedroom. As I was lost in my thoughts the speaker concluded his speech by saying what we should be telling children is that, "Applied Knowledge is Power."

As I continue on this journey to health and wellness, I am constantly reminded that "Applied Knowledge is Power." I know that in order for this to work, I must eat right and exercise. There is simply no other way around it. I refuse to allow myself to think that just because I had this surgery everything in my life is fixed and complete, because then I would be deceiving myself. This journey is taking me to places in my mind and soul that are sometimes to deep to even tell anyone else. This journey to forces me to take inventory of how I deal with stress, boredom, and laziness.

I entitled this blog, " My Life, New Choices" and that's what I'm trying to take control over. I've learned is that I have the power to choose what I do, what I eat, and how I live my life. Food is no longer my primary focus. Living is.

I am thankful that God has opened my eyes to see the me He created me to be. I am confident that I will grow stronger, and more active everyday. I chose to dream bigger dreams, and watch God work things out for me.

Work....

Work is sooooo overrated. Can you believe that a couple of days ago I was eager to go back to work??? I actually started missing getting up in the morning, and getting dressed. Well, that feeling quickly went away when the alarm clock started ringing at 6:00am. For some odd reason I had a really hard time sleeping. I kept getting that "first day of school" feeling. I was anxious, and nervous. I just kept imaging my co-workers would look at me, and know that I had Lap-Band Surgery.

Before my surgery, I struggled with the idea of telling people about my decision. I was comfortable telling my friends and family. But I had a strong urge not to tell my co-workers. To this day, I have only told two co-workers that I believe I could trust. It's not that I'm ashamed, its just I'm a very positive person, and my place of employment isn't the center of optimism.

All during the day, people just kept saying welcome back. But I could tell they wanted to know where I'd been, and what if anything is going on with me. No one asked, and I'm not volunteering any information. Should someone ask, I will tell but not before then.

In other news....I have a major problem to all mothers that have read my blog about baby food. Seriously people, seriously. No one thought to write, call, or e-mail me about the lack of favor of baby food. Ok, I can't call it a lack of favor, it had a favor....It just wasn't edible. Oh my Gosh....I know understand why babies spit it out....Oh well, so much for that..

Anyone interested in buying several jars of baby food?!?!?!??!?!