Sometimes you have to encourage yourself....
Sometimes you have to speak victory during the test....
These are the first to lines of a beautiful song entitled Encourage Yourself by Donald Lawrence..
This is my testimony..This is my song.....Sometimes when I'm dealing with difficult people or situations..I have to constantly tell myself that everything is going to work out for me..That God has great things in store for me...It just has to work..God wouldn't have placed this obstacle in front of me if I wasn't prepared... But it's not easy...While I was preparing to write this blog entry I was searching the Internet for the complete lyrics to this song..and when I found them, the Holy Spirit began speaking, ministering, and restoring to my soul....I was immediately forced to go to a quiet place and praise God with my whole heart..
Sometimes when I'm going through some stuff I easily forget who placed me there..I have been looking to buy a house for the past couple of months..The first builder was not trustworthy when it came to finances..And the current builder has so issues with the construction of the home...Last night, I found myself asking God, why have you made this task so difficult, why can't I work with people that are honest, and desire to do their work well....
I began to feel sorry for myself, and I was starting to lose hope in being a homeowner...But that's when God, in all his wonder...stepped in, right at the appropriate moment, and ministered to my soul through song....There is a point in the song which simply says life is going to take you through some challenges, and difficulties...but you have to encourage yourself...Nothing is going to be prefect...
I thank God, that for every circumstance in my life, he has already provided grace, mercy, strength, and understanding...I thank God..that there is NO weapon formed against me that shall prosper...The great thing about God, is that He is Trustworthy, he is Faithful, he is Dependable....and more importantly...Everything that he has promised me is for me....
Glory to the Lord...That Victory is Mine...That His presence can meet you at the point of your need no matter where you are..Thank God, that his mercy is new every morning..And thank you, that he loves me enough to bring me to and through every situation...
The lyrics are below:
Sometimes you have to encourage yourself
Sometimes you have to speak victory during the test and no matter how you feel
Speak the word you will be healed
Speak over yourself
Encourage yourself in the lord
oooohhh oohh
Sometimes you have to speak the word over yourself
the pressure is all around but God is present help
oh the enemy created walls but remember giants they do fall
speak over your self
encourage your self in the lord
oh as I minister to you
oh I minister to myself
life can hurt you sooo till you feel there's nothing left
No matter how you feel speak the word and you will be healed
Speak over yourself
I'm Encourage(repeat 4)
I'm Encourage(Repeat till the end)
Friday, June 15, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Changes...
OK...for the last month or so, I became a hindrance to my own goals...I began to counteract everything positive thing I knew that would guarantee my success...Why??? Why??? I don't know sometimes, I think I want something, but then when I start going for it, I give up...
I know some people may find it hard to believe but I have a commitment problem...I know it, I freely admit it..I can come up with great, and fancy plans, and time tables...But nothing gets done... I'm seriously thinking about seeking help...
There are things I love to do, and I do them without thinking twice..Church programs, conversations with those close to me, watching select television shows...But it's those other things like cleaning my room, and cooking dinner regularly that just fall by the wayside...I realize that the plans I set have to be driven by a goal, I can see...
For example, I recently picked up a second job, so that I really start saving to purchase my first home...While I don't really want to work another job, the goal of saving is sooo much bigger than ANYTHING I've ever envisioned, that if I don't succeed I will disappoint myself...AND that just can't happen... Another reason, and it may soundly purely vain, but know I can lose weight and afford to purchase new clothes...a 40% off discount will go along way when you plan to drop as much weight as I do!!!
SO know to my weight issue, I have been putting off exercising because it's hot, or whatever the excuse maybe...But on June 30Th, in less than 6 weeks, I have to purchase my first bridesmaid dress. I refuse to look uncomfortable or stuffed in a dress, especially in a wedding for two people I care a lot for...On Saturday, I worked out for 2 hours in the pool...Walking back and forth, kicking, doing crunches, and arm lifts...On Sunday, I hand washed my car...and let me just tell you, that is more than a notion...
I'm on my way, I brought my lunch to work today for the first time in a long time!!! I'm drinking water like a fish, don't give up on me...I'm coming back around, and hopefully this time for good!!!
I know some people may find it hard to believe but I have a commitment problem...I know it, I freely admit it..I can come up with great, and fancy plans, and time tables...But nothing gets done... I'm seriously thinking about seeking help...
There are things I love to do, and I do them without thinking twice..Church programs, conversations with those close to me, watching select television shows...But it's those other things like cleaning my room, and cooking dinner regularly that just fall by the wayside...I realize that the plans I set have to be driven by a goal, I can see...
For example, I recently picked up a second job, so that I really start saving to purchase my first home...While I don't really want to work another job, the goal of saving is sooo much bigger than ANYTHING I've ever envisioned, that if I don't succeed I will disappoint myself...AND that just can't happen... Another reason, and it may soundly purely vain, but know I can lose weight and afford to purchase new clothes...a 40% off discount will go along way when you plan to drop as much weight as I do!!!
SO know to my weight issue, I have been putting off exercising because it's hot, or whatever the excuse maybe...But on June 30Th, in less than 6 weeks, I have to purchase my first bridesmaid dress. I refuse to look uncomfortable or stuffed in a dress, especially in a wedding for two people I care a lot for...On Saturday, I worked out for 2 hours in the pool...Walking back and forth, kicking, doing crunches, and arm lifts...On Sunday, I hand washed my car...and let me just tell you, that is more than a notion...
I'm on my way, I brought my lunch to work today for the first time in a long time!!! I'm drinking water like a fish, don't give up on me...I'm coming back around, and hopefully this time for good!!!
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Time and Commitment
FOLKS, I HAVE A PROBLEM...
What's the problem???? I HAVE TOOOO MUCH ON MY MIND...and not enough TIME... Seriously, I'm a GREAT point in my life..In my walk with GOD, I'm growing and developing into a better disciple, and witness for Christ.. My FAMILY is doing fine, mostly healthy, happy, and secure. My relationship with JOHN is better than I can ask for... My FRIENDS are prospering wonderfully, and giving God all the praise... My CAREER is finally heading in a direction where I can finally see a plan for the future...
SO, what's wrong...Well, it's like this....When I finished grad school in December, I just knew that I would have so much extra time, to take care of myself...I knew that I would have the Lap Band surgery, so that would motivate me to lose weight, to exercise, and eat well...I just knew that I would have the time to focus on my health, because without it I won't be able to do any of the things I have in mind for the future.....When I had my surgery in Feb., I set goals for myself..( Look at the previous entries entitled, "Thoughts and Goals") So what happened??? Life happened...The free time I thought I would have, I threw all that extra energy into my job, and church, and I have been blessed abundantly in both areas. Honestly, there's not a need in my life right now that isn't being met.
But the problem is with work going so GREAT, when I get home, I don't feel like cooking, I don't feel like packing my lunch, I don't feel like cleaning, and I for sure don't feel like exercising...
How do I break myself of this ugly habit??? How do I take control of time, and get back on track of losing weight???
I hope figured it out, I have to have a plan.. A schedule of daily activities that allow me time to complete little tasks so that things don't build up. I determined that when I get home from work, I need 4 HOURS OF ASHLEY TIME....Just do it, ME Time...I can't further allow the pressures, and the worries of this world to rule over me, I have to take control of the situations that I can control...
So from today on....
From 6-7pm- Exercise and Shower
From 7:00-7:30pm- Clean my house
From 7:30-9pm- Cook dinner, make my lunch, eat, relax
From 9-10pm- Have my Quiet Time w/God
May God bless this schedule, and make it whole and complete. May God grant me strength to do the things I can, and the peace to understand the things that I can't.
What's the problem???? I HAVE TOOOO MUCH ON MY MIND...and not enough TIME... Seriously, I'm a GREAT point in my life..In my walk with GOD, I'm growing and developing into a better disciple, and witness for Christ.. My FAMILY is doing fine, mostly healthy, happy, and secure. My relationship with JOHN is better than I can ask for... My FRIENDS are prospering wonderfully, and giving God all the praise... My CAREER is finally heading in a direction where I can finally see a plan for the future...
SO, what's wrong...Well, it's like this....When I finished grad school in December, I just knew that I would have so much extra time, to take care of myself...I knew that I would have the Lap Band surgery, so that would motivate me to lose weight, to exercise, and eat well...I just knew that I would have the time to focus on my health, because without it I won't be able to do any of the things I have in mind for the future.....When I had my surgery in Feb., I set goals for myself..( Look at the previous entries entitled, "Thoughts and Goals") So what happened??? Life happened...The free time I thought I would have, I threw all that extra energy into my job, and church, and I have been blessed abundantly in both areas. Honestly, there's not a need in my life right now that isn't being met.
But the problem is with work going so GREAT, when I get home, I don't feel like cooking, I don't feel like packing my lunch, I don't feel like cleaning, and I for sure don't feel like exercising...
How do I break myself of this ugly habit??? How do I take control of time, and get back on track of losing weight???
I hope figured it out, I have to have a plan.. A schedule of daily activities that allow me time to complete little tasks so that things don't build up. I determined that when I get home from work, I need 4 HOURS OF ASHLEY TIME....Just do it, ME Time...I can't further allow the pressures, and the worries of this world to rule over me, I have to take control of the situations that I can control...
So from today on....
From 6-7pm- Exercise and Shower
From 7:00-7:30pm- Clean my house
From 7:30-9pm- Cook dinner, make my lunch, eat, relax
From 9-10pm- Have my Quiet Time w/God
May God bless this schedule, and make it whole and complete. May God grant me strength to do the things I can, and the peace to understand the things that I can't.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Where did the time fly???
I have been a bad blogger....I have neglected to tell any information, good or bad..
It's interesting when you've been away for so long, there's so much I want to say, but I don't know how to start. The last two weeks have been mind blowing.
The most memorable moments, were extremely unforgettable. It's not too many moments that I can say, I remember when....or I will never forget where I was. The last two weeks have offered two. The first being the Virginia Tech shooting, I am still numb and truly at a loss of words. I can't imagine being a student, attempting to better prepare yourself for the future, having so many hopes and dreams, and then those dreams being cut short. I can't imagine the pain of a parent, whose lost a child in such a violent manner.
The second happened Friday, at my job. On Friday, a gunman entered one of the buildings on site, and shot and killed his boss, and then turned the gun on himself. It's interesting, you couldn't watch the news the past couple of days without hearing about the VT tragedy, but you never think it could happen to you. For some reason, I thought I was so removed from the possibility that someone could do that here, on a federal, and assumed heavily secured work site, but it happened. During a conversation with my Best Friend on Thurs. I told her that I was playing musical doors at work. Every place I went was determined by whether there was a locked door around. As a Christian, I believe that I shouldn't walk in fear, but in faith. But the Virginia Tech tragedy, touched my soul. For some reason, I felt I knew those students, I could have sat in those classes.
Nothing I had prepared in my mind, prepared me for Friday, April 20Th. When the word finally got around that there was a gunman on the premises here, for whatever reason, I couldn't stop laughing, it wasn't that I thought any of it was funny. It was just something I couldn't control. The fact that my phone wouldn't stop ringing, the fact that my building was in lock down..the fact that what was on the news, was where I was....The only thing that made sense at that point was to laugh, because this could not be happening...
After about a hour and a half, we received word, that the incident was isolated in an building about a block from mine, and we were released to go home... We were warned, to not go near the building...As I promptly walked to my car, I can't describe the feeling that went through my body as helicopters hovered overhead, I can't describe my pleas for people to drive and not to obey that stop sign...I just wanted to GO..
When I finally got home, and found out that the situation had ended with two people dead, I couldn't believe that loss of life had happened so close to me. I think my life changed on Friday...we have to be careful how we treat people, how we act toward people.... But most importantly I learned the importance of having a life outside of work. I understand that my job pays my bills, I'm not in denial about that...my family and friends are what's important...
It's interesting when you've been away for so long, there's so much I want to say, but I don't know how to start. The last two weeks have been mind blowing.
The most memorable moments, were extremely unforgettable. It's not too many moments that I can say, I remember when....or I will never forget where I was. The last two weeks have offered two. The first being the Virginia Tech shooting, I am still numb and truly at a loss of words. I can't imagine being a student, attempting to better prepare yourself for the future, having so many hopes and dreams, and then those dreams being cut short. I can't imagine the pain of a parent, whose lost a child in such a violent manner.
The second happened Friday, at my job. On Friday, a gunman entered one of the buildings on site, and shot and killed his boss, and then turned the gun on himself. It's interesting, you couldn't watch the news the past couple of days without hearing about the VT tragedy, but you never think it could happen to you. For some reason, I thought I was so removed from the possibility that someone could do that here, on a federal, and assumed heavily secured work site, but it happened. During a conversation with my Best Friend on Thurs. I told her that I was playing musical doors at work. Every place I went was determined by whether there was a locked door around. As a Christian, I believe that I shouldn't walk in fear, but in faith. But the Virginia Tech tragedy, touched my soul. For some reason, I felt I knew those students, I could have sat in those classes.
Nothing I had prepared in my mind, prepared me for Friday, April 20Th. When the word finally got around that there was a gunman on the premises here, for whatever reason, I couldn't stop laughing, it wasn't that I thought any of it was funny. It was just something I couldn't control. The fact that my phone wouldn't stop ringing, the fact that my building was in lock down..the fact that what was on the news, was where I was....The only thing that made sense at that point was to laugh, because this could not be happening...
After about a hour and a half, we received word, that the incident was isolated in an building about a block from mine, and we were released to go home... We were warned, to not go near the building...As I promptly walked to my car, I can't describe the feeling that went through my body as helicopters hovered overhead, I can't describe my pleas for people to drive and not to obey that stop sign...I just wanted to GO..
When I finally got home, and found out that the situation had ended with two people dead, I couldn't believe that loss of life had happened so close to me. I think my life changed on Friday...we have to be careful how we treat people, how we act toward people.... But most importantly I learned the importance of having a life outside of work. I understand that my job pays my bills, I'm not in denial about that...my family and friends are what's important...
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
What I've noticed...
This band thing is SO working!!!! I'm so grateful that I had Lap Band Surgery. I'm not just saying that because everything has been perfect, because it hasn't. But I mean, I'm just SO happy. I noticed the strangest thing today while I was racing across the parking lot to my car...I wasn't out of breath!!! I had to test this theory, on my way to my doctor's office this afternoon, I decided to time how long it would take me to walk to my car. I took off walking, trying to see just how fast I could go!!! Next thing I know, a crazy thought crossed my mind, see if you could run..And I'll be dang on, if my feet didn't pick themselves up, and start running. I'm not saying it was a running like for a marathon, but, there was definitely some jogging going on!!!! I had to congratulate my feet, because surely, I didn't believe it could be done!!!
This weekend we had a cookout!!! With chicken, and steak, and hot dogs... For as long as I can remember, I've had a strange obsession about grilled hot dogs/hot links (for my Chicago people!!!), to the point that I don't think a cookout is a cookout without them. I remember growing up, and my mother and I would eat hot dog, just because..There didn't need to be a special occasion, just needed to be hungry!!! Well, at this cookout, I was able to eat a couple of chicken and grilled vegetable sh-Kai-bobs, ( I know that's spelled completely wrong, but you know what I mean!!!) , a ear of grilled corn of the cob ( Laura did the fool with the sweet corn), a grilled hot dog, and a small piece of steak. I know, I know, sounds like a lot of food. But I really wasn't, I made sure I chewed my food really well. I took my time, and when I was done eating, whatever food was left on my plate, went to John...(Again, I know...I have to stop treating him like my human disposal..)
But I was able to eat, I was able to feel like a normal person..Although with limitations, I was able to eat.
This weekend we had a cookout!!! With chicken, and steak, and hot dogs... For as long as I can remember, I've had a strange obsession about grilled hot dogs/hot links (for my Chicago people!!!), to the point that I don't think a cookout is a cookout without them. I remember growing up, and my mother and I would eat hot dog, just because..There didn't need to be a special occasion, just needed to be hungry!!! Well, at this cookout, I was able to eat a couple of chicken and grilled vegetable sh-Kai-bobs, ( I know that's spelled completely wrong, but you know what I mean!!!) , a ear of grilled corn of the cob ( Laura did the fool with the sweet corn), a grilled hot dog, and a small piece of steak. I know, I know, sounds like a lot of food. But I really wasn't, I made sure I chewed my food really well. I took my time, and when I was done eating, whatever food was left on my plate, went to John...(Again, I know...I have to stop treating him like my human disposal..)
But I was able to eat, I was able to feel like a normal person..Although with limitations, I was able to eat.
This weekend..
I had an absolutely wonderful weekend!!!! Every once in a well, you will have those weekends where time just fly by, and you find yourself back at work on Monday going, what happened to my free time. Normally, that's how I find myself...
Well, this weekend, was absolutely off the chain!!
Friday, was Good Friday. In remembering the best sacrifice that could ever be given for man, that Jesus died for our sins, I went to noon service at our church. It was amazing to hear the story told with such power, and clarity.
That evening, several of my girlfriends had a girls night out. No boyfriends, finance's, or husbands... A couple months ago we started attending plays, and found it to be very entertaining. On Friday, we saw Tyler Perry's latest play, "What's done in the dark.." The play had a very touching and informative message about going to the doctor, and taking better care of ourselves. Following the play, a couple of us went out to dinner, to one of our favorite places, Chili!!!!!. Lord knows, it's in those moments of reflection that you remember how blessed you are to have such dear friends. Sometimes people claim that women can be catty, and mean..But my female friends, have been some of the most encouraging, and supportive people that I've ever met. It's true when people say, when you find good people hold on to them...and that's what I've done.
On Saturday, another one of my friends, Laura, was in town visiting. Even though the weather was ugly, John and I really wanted to hang out with her, and our other friend Donald. We found this interesting place in the mall, where you find a piece of pottery, and then you use your creative side to paint the object. It was SO fun, and funny... When we got there both John and Donald, were totally against this "girl" activity. But after some convincing, they decided to try. John picked a Hummer, I picked a dog!!! About two hours later, everyone else was finished painting but John!!! He was determined that the Hummer looked as real as possible, and refused to leave before his creative vision was complete...Again it took some convincing, but he soon let it go, so that we could leave!!!! I must admit it turned out great!!! But don't tell him, I said that!!
I hope to post pictures from Friday night, and Saturday!!!!!
Well, this weekend, was absolutely off the chain!!
Friday, was Good Friday. In remembering the best sacrifice that could ever be given for man, that Jesus died for our sins, I went to noon service at our church. It was amazing to hear the story told with such power, and clarity.
That evening, several of my girlfriends had a girls night out. No boyfriends, finance's, or husbands... A couple months ago we started attending plays, and found it to be very entertaining. On Friday, we saw Tyler Perry's latest play, "What's done in the dark.." The play had a very touching and informative message about going to the doctor, and taking better care of ourselves. Following the play, a couple of us went out to dinner, to one of our favorite places, Chili!!!!!. Lord knows, it's in those moments of reflection that you remember how blessed you are to have such dear friends. Sometimes people claim that women can be catty, and mean..But my female friends, have been some of the most encouraging, and supportive people that I've ever met. It's true when people say, when you find good people hold on to them...and that's what I've done.
On Saturday, another one of my friends, Laura, was in town visiting. Even though the weather was ugly, John and I really wanted to hang out with her, and our other friend Donald. We found this interesting place in the mall, where you find a piece of pottery, and then you use your creative side to paint the object. It was SO fun, and funny... When we got there both John and Donald, were totally against this "girl" activity. But after some convincing, they decided to try. John picked a Hummer, I picked a dog!!! About two hours later, everyone else was finished painting but John!!! He was determined that the Hummer looked as real as possible, and refused to leave before his creative vision was complete...Again it took some convincing, but he soon let it go, so that we could leave!!!! I must admit it turned out great!!! But don't tell him, I said that!!
I hope to post pictures from Friday night, and Saturday!!!!!
Friday, March 30, 2007
Good News...Bad News........
Good news…
I weighed myself this morning….and the scale said 269.2!!!!! If that's accurate, that would mean I've lost 9 pounds in 3 weeks!!!!! Meaning my total weight loss since surgery is 18 pounds. And total weight loss since January is 28 pounds!!!!! How Awesome!!!! Isn't God Great!!!!! I've noticed that my clothes are really starting to fit well!! In fact, I've received several compliments from co-workers. I never really noticed how good dressing up can make you feel. With the exception of today, I've been wearing heels everyday this week!!! In fact, on Tuesday, I wore a suit, making people think I was going to an interview!!! I'm so excited for the spring and summer. I've always like wearing bright colors, and sandals, but the prospect of being able to wear clothes in a small size, just makes me giddy!!!
Bad News…
I started my period this morning, I want to crawl into a ball. I feel nausea, so I'm afraid to eat anything. I didn't want to come in to work today, but I knew that two key people were out of the office today..and we can't have the office three people down…
Talk about sacrifice!!! Does this mean, I'm being mature???
I don't know what's going on. I've never had bad cramps before, just a uncomfortable couple of days.. But this mess today, this is for the birds. My whole body just aches, I keep unbuttoning my jeans in hope of some relief. Oh, God...Please provide comfort. I want to make it through the rest of the day..
Also, since January I've been wearing my hair in braids. It's much easier to manage, I can exercise without fear of what my hair will look like later. It's a great joy just getting up in the morning, and not having to touch my hair. Saturday, I went and had my braids redone. After 6 hours of sitting in a chair, my hair was beautifully redone.
Well, last night, I'm sitting on my bed running my fingers through my hair, getting ready to oil my scalp, when I notice how loose several of the braids are in the back, and that several of the braids were missing. I will not tell you how much it costs to put these braids in my hair, but I will tell you that I was HOT. When I called the Braid place this morning, the lady gave me attitude, like I did something wrong to her.. SHE acted funny when I said I would be coming in today to get the back of my head re-done. She just keep saying you got it done Saturday…Yeah, lady, I said Saturday...
So pray for me that I don't lose my mind on sister-girl, when I go to get my hair done this evening. I don't need any problems.
I weighed myself this morning….and the scale said 269.2!!!!! If that's accurate, that would mean I've lost 9 pounds in 3 weeks!!!!! Meaning my total weight loss since surgery is 18 pounds. And total weight loss since January is 28 pounds!!!!! How Awesome!!!! Isn't God Great!!!!! I've noticed that my clothes are really starting to fit well!! In fact, I've received several compliments from co-workers. I never really noticed how good dressing up can make you feel. With the exception of today, I've been wearing heels everyday this week!!! In fact, on Tuesday, I wore a suit, making people think I was going to an interview!!! I'm so excited for the spring and summer. I've always like wearing bright colors, and sandals, but the prospect of being able to wear clothes in a small size, just makes me giddy!!!
Bad News…
I started my period this morning, I want to crawl into a ball. I feel nausea, so I'm afraid to eat anything. I didn't want to come in to work today, but I knew that two key people were out of the office today..and we can't have the office three people down…
Talk about sacrifice!!! Does this mean, I'm being mature???
I don't know what's going on. I've never had bad cramps before, just a uncomfortable couple of days.. But this mess today, this is for the birds. My whole body just aches, I keep unbuttoning my jeans in hope of some relief. Oh, God...Please provide comfort. I want to make it through the rest of the day..
Also, since January I've been wearing my hair in braids. It's much easier to manage, I can exercise without fear of what my hair will look like later. It's a great joy just getting up in the morning, and not having to touch my hair. Saturday, I went and had my braids redone. After 6 hours of sitting in a chair, my hair was beautifully redone.
Well, last night, I'm sitting on my bed running my fingers through my hair, getting ready to oil my scalp, when I notice how loose several of the braids are in the back, and that several of the braids were missing. I will not tell you how much it costs to put these braids in my hair, but I will tell you that I was HOT. When I called the Braid place this morning, the lady gave me attitude, like I did something wrong to her.. SHE acted funny when I said I would be coming in today to get the back of my head re-done. She just keep saying you got it done Saturday…Yeah, lady, I said Saturday...
So pray for me that I don't lose my mind on sister-girl, when I go to get my hair done this evening. I don't need any problems.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
My New Addiction
I've tried avoiding it..But it's my new addiction. And this one I am proud of...
I am addicted to slightly frozen water, and packets of Crystal Light. I don't know what they put in that stuff, but I'm addicted. I can barely get though the day without at least three packets, which equal at least three bottles of water a day.
When I first get to work, I immediately put a bottled water in the freezer...and then eat my breakfast of oatmeal, and a turkey sausage. I wait an hour and then I'm almost running down the hall to my "dessert" or my Raspberry delight.......As soon as I take one out, another water goes in the freezer. Now I must warn you, you have to be very careful..If you leave a bottled water in the freezer too long, it will freeze completely leaving you completely empty of joy. But if you stay on top of the time, you will be richly rewarded.
And if everything is working as planned, my water is slightly frozen, the Raspberry concoction is mixed in, it's like a smoothie for only 10 CALORIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's seriously Heaven in a Bottle. I'm not kidding.
The only problem comes in when I get home...I can't leave a bottle in the freezer all day that just won't work, when I try to put it in when I first get home, it's not cold enough when I'm ready to drink....So while I'm home I normally have to cope with normal, bland, unflavored water....Such a waste!!!!
I am addicted to slightly frozen water, and packets of Crystal Light. I don't know what they put in that stuff, but I'm addicted. I can barely get though the day without at least three packets, which equal at least three bottles of water a day.
When I first get to work, I immediately put a bottled water in the freezer...and then eat my breakfast of oatmeal, and a turkey sausage. I wait an hour and then I'm almost running down the hall to my "dessert" or my Raspberry delight.......As soon as I take one out, another water goes in the freezer. Now I must warn you, you have to be very careful..If you leave a bottled water in the freezer too long, it will freeze completely leaving you completely empty of joy. But if you stay on top of the time, you will be richly rewarded.
And if everything is working as planned, my water is slightly frozen, the Raspberry concoction is mixed in, it's like a smoothie for only 10 CALORIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's seriously Heaven in a Bottle. I'm not kidding.
The only problem comes in when I get home...I can't leave a bottle in the freezer all day that just won't work, when I try to put it in when I first get home, it's not cold enough when I'm ready to drink....So while I'm home I normally have to cope with normal, bland, unflavored water....Such a waste!!!!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Support
Every sense I've had my surgery, I've been shocked and encouraged by the level of support that I have received from my family and friends..However, no matter how much encouragement I received there was still a level of comfort that I was not able to find with people that didn't understand where I was coming from. After I learned that I had gained five pounds, I was so upset..and no matter how much I tried to explain, everyone just kept saying..Be patient. But I didn't want to be patient, I wanted results....
My surgeon suggested I attend the support group for people that have had weight loss surgery either, lap band or gastric bypass. I was very curious what I would learn, and who I would meet. From the very beginning of the support group, I was overcome with a sense of comfort..These people were like me, they looked they me..I felt normal for the first time in months.
Our support groups offers helpful thoughts on how to deal with the changes in your body, and why we eat concern foods. I was grateful for the opportunity to "let my hair down", relax, and learn.
My surgeon suggested I attend the support group for people that have had weight loss surgery either, lap band or gastric bypass. I was very curious what I would learn, and who I would meet. From the very beginning of the support group, I was overcome with a sense of comfort..These people were like me, they looked they me..I felt normal for the first time in months.
Our support groups offers helpful thoughts on how to deal with the changes in your body, and why we eat concern foods. I was grateful for the opportunity to "let my hair down", relax, and learn.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Renewed..
Over the past three nights, my church has had a revival. Sometimes you just never know how or why God moves you to be in certain places. For the past three nights, I have entered my churches sanctuary in anticipation of hearing a word from God, and each night the Holy Spirit would bless the men of God, to deliver such powerful messages.
I am so thankful for the opportunity to be in a relationship with God. To know that even in my valley moments, God has already granted me the victory. What amazing power, mercy, and grace. What an astounding love...
Each time I am blessed to hear the Rev. Jeremiah Wright from Trinity United Church in Chicago, or Rev. Frederick Haynes from Friendship West in Dallas..I am encouraged that God still has delivering power. Sometimes, I get so wrapped up in what's going on around me, so consumed with my agenda, and my things to do list, that I lose site on whose given me the power to do anything.
While cleaning out my documents on my computer, I found this letter someone had e-mailed me. I don't know the author, but it so perfectly summed up my feeling at this very moment.
" The God we serve, which is the God of love, demands and requires of us foreplay before He gives us what we need. In the book of Ruth, the mother-in-law tells Ruth, "You have to wash." John 15:3 reminds us,"Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you." When you sit in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you are taking a shower. When you hear the unadulterated Word of God, then the dirt and grime that you've accumulated all week long begins to wash off of you. Ask God to "create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit." Stand in the word. Then wait upon the Lord to renew your strength."
That's how I feel at this very moment...I didn't now that I was operating on a half-tank.. But to be filled with the knowledge of my Lord, and Savior...Oh, how sweet..
I couldn't let this spirit of revival go without encouraging someone else. No matter what your current situation, please stand firm. Know that the Lord, our God is strong enough to handle your burdens. Shout for victory, before, during, and after the battle. Stand believing and receiving that God is performing a mighty work in and though you. Just let Him take Control.
Be Blessed and Be a Blessing...
I am so thankful for the opportunity to be in a relationship with God. To know that even in my valley moments, God has already granted me the victory. What amazing power, mercy, and grace. What an astounding love...
Each time I am blessed to hear the Rev. Jeremiah Wright from Trinity United Church in Chicago, or Rev. Frederick Haynes from Friendship West in Dallas..I am encouraged that God still has delivering power. Sometimes, I get so wrapped up in what's going on around me, so consumed with my agenda, and my things to do list, that I lose site on whose given me the power to do anything.
While cleaning out my documents on my computer, I found this letter someone had e-mailed me. I don't know the author, but it so perfectly summed up my feeling at this very moment.
" The God we serve, which is the God of love, demands and requires of us foreplay before He gives us what we need. In the book of Ruth, the mother-in-law tells Ruth, "You have to wash." John 15:3 reminds us,"Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you." When you sit in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you are taking a shower. When you hear the unadulterated Word of God, then the dirt and grime that you've accumulated all week long begins to wash off of you. Ask God to "create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit." Stand in the word. Then wait upon the Lord to renew your strength."
That's how I feel at this very moment...I didn't now that I was operating on a half-tank.. But to be filled with the knowledge of my Lord, and Savior...Oh, how sweet..
I couldn't let this spirit of revival go without encouraging someone else. No matter what your current situation, please stand firm. Know that the Lord, our God is strong enough to handle your burdens. Shout for victory, before, during, and after the battle. Stand believing and receiving that God is performing a mighty work in and though you. Just let Him take Control.
Be Blessed and Be a Blessing...
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Slight Set Back
Throughout the past three weeks, I have disciplined myself to doing what I was told. If my doctor said eat this, I ate that and nothing more. I have been really trying. During this time, I'd notice that the scale was going up instead of down..But I would push the feeling off because I'd just eaten, or something to that affect.
After reading a couple of blogs earlier this week, I began to feel like maybe I wasn't eating enough. I was so concentrated on getting my 50 grams of protein that I didn't notice that I was not really eating filling food. Throughout this time, John has been telling me I should be eating more, but I figured, I was doing just fine.
Well, at the doctors office yesterday for my first fill, I weighed in a 277.0... ( Note: this is a 5 pound gain) I know... The point of this surgery was to lose weight, not to gain weight. Last night, I was hurt. I mean, I've done everything that they asked, but I'd missed some valuable information.
When it became time for me to return to eating solids, I haven't returned to eating meat. I've stayed with baked fish, and tuna..But no chicken, or beef. Both the doctor and dietician are confident, that by eating more solid food, things I'm really going to have to chew, I will start to shed pounds.
I hope that they are right, and I'm happy that I was corrected early on. From here on out I will ask myself two questions before I began eating:
1. Is this food healthy for me?
2. Will this food keep me full???
If I can't answer both of those questions, I need to find other options.
After reading a couple of blogs earlier this week, I began to feel like maybe I wasn't eating enough. I was so concentrated on getting my 50 grams of protein that I didn't notice that I was not really eating filling food. Throughout this time, John has been telling me I should be eating more, but I figured, I was doing just fine.
Well, at the doctors office yesterday for my first fill, I weighed in a 277.0... ( Note: this is a 5 pound gain) I know... The point of this surgery was to lose weight, not to gain weight. Last night, I was hurt. I mean, I've done everything that they asked, but I'd missed some valuable information.
When it became time for me to return to eating solids, I haven't returned to eating meat. I've stayed with baked fish, and tuna..But no chicken, or beef. Both the doctor and dietician are confident, that by eating more solid food, things I'm really going to have to chew, I will start to shed pounds.
I hope that they are right, and I'm happy that I was corrected early on. From here on out I will ask myself two questions before I began eating:
1. Is this food healthy for me?
2. Will this food keep me full???
If I can't answer both of those questions, I need to find other options.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Food
It's almost been a month since I had my lap band surgery. A whole month... It seems odd. I don't feel any different, I don't look different. At times I want to tap myself on the stomach and ask is this thing on!!
As of Thursday, my mushie/soft food phase ended. According to my Registered Dietician, I could begin eating solid foods. I thought I would be excited. I haven't had regular food since the beginning of February. But instead of feeling liberated, I felt confined by the possibility of eating.
Since the surgery I've been retraining myself to eat to live, and not live to eat. .. But now what?? What do I do when the doctors says, you are now ready to enter the world filled with food. You are no longer bound by five things to eat. What do I do??? What do I do???
It's hard to explain, I feel like I've been in this protective bubble for the last month, and now I'm exposed to the elements. And for everything that I've been through, I don't want to be contaminated.
I knew this would be a struggle of mine...Once I set my mind to something I go for it, but once the routine changes I have a heard time adjusting.
God grant me the strength.
As of Thursday, my mushie/soft food phase ended. According to my Registered Dietician, I could begin eating solid foods. I thought I would be excited. I haven't had regular food since the beginning of February. But instead of feeling liberated, I felt confined by the possibility of eating.
Since the surgery I've been retraining myself to eat to live, and not live to eat. .. But now what?? What do I do when the doctors says, you are now ready to enter the world filled with food. You are no longer bound by five things to eat. What do I do??? What do I do???
It's hard to explain, I feel like I've been in this protective bubble for the last month, and now I'm exposed to the elements. And for everything that I've been through, I don't want to be contaminated.
I knew this would be a struggle of mine...Once I set my mind to something I go for it, but once the routine changes I have a heard time adjusting.
God grant me the strength.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Cake and Ice Cream
Today was my companies March Birthday party....
I'm still in the soft/mushie phrase, and for what I've read cake is not on the list.
So I'm standing there feeling awkward, as everyone around me is talking about how good the cake is. Then my boss notices I'm not eating, and decides to announce his findings to everyone, like I'm an art exhibit. I've managed to stay on my plan, but it was really hard to stand my ground when everyone is looking at you, expecting you to eat.
My excuse, while true, was that I didn't want to ruin my appetite because I hadn't eaten lunch yet.
But honestly, that cake looked good.
Temptation, temptation, temptation.... In my head, I started to rationalize that maybe a small little piece wouldn't hurt, or maybe if I don't eat the icing no one will know. As I was going through all these scenarios in my mind, I started thinking about my post from yesterday. I have the power to choose.
I chose not to have cake, and instead participated in a conversation about birthday parties. I'm thankful that I didn't give in, and that God provided another way to still be included without having to break my routine...I thank God for small victories.
I'm still in the soft/mushie phrase, and for what I've read cake is not on the list.
So I'm standing there feeling awkward, as everyone around me is talking about how good the cake is. Then my boss notices I'm not eating, and decides to announce his findings to everyone, like I'm an art exhibit. I've managed to stay on my plan, but it was really hard to stand my ground when everyone is looking at you, expecting you to eat.
My excuse, while true, was that I didn't want to ruin my appetite because I hadn't eaten lunch yet.
But honestly, that cake looked good.
Temptation, temptation, temptation.... In my head, I started to rationalize that maybe a small little piece wouldn't hurt, or maybe if I don't eat the icing no one will know. As I was going through all these scenarios in my mind, I started thinking about my post from yesterday. I have the power to choose.
I chose not to have cake, and instead participated in a conversation about birthday parties. I'm thankful that I didn't give in, and that God provided another way to still be included without having to break my routine...I thank God for small victories.
Monday, March 5, 2007
The Power to Choose
About six years ago, I heard a saying that I will take with me for the rest of my life. While attending a seminar the speaker said, " The biggest lie that adults tell children is that Knowledge is Power." I was shocked and almost upset. I had heard that all my life, in fact, I remember seeing signs with that quote all around my school and I think my mother had hung one in my bedroom. As I was lost in my thoughts the speaker concluded his speech by saying what we should be telling children is that, "Applied Knowledge is Power."
As I continue on this journey to health and wellness, I am constantly reminded that "Applied Knowledge is Power." I know that in order for this to work, I must eat right and exercise. There is simply no other way around it. I refuse to allow myself to think that just because I had this surgery everything in my life is fixed and complete, because then I would be deceiving myself. This journey is taking me to places in my mind and soul that are sometimes to deep to even tell anyone else. This journey to forces me to take inventory of how I deal with stress, boredom, and laziness.
I entitled this blog, " My Life, New Choices" and that's what I'm trying to take control over. I've learned is that I have the power to choose what I do, what I eat, and how I live my life. Food is no longer my primary focus. Living is.
I am thankful that God has opened my eyes to see the me He created me to be. I am confident that I will grow stronger, and more active everyday. I chose to dream bigger dreams, and watch God work things out for me.
As I continue on this journey to health and wellness, I am constantly reminded that "Applied Knowledge is Power." I know that in order for this to work, I must eat right and exercise. There is simply no other way around it. I refuse to allow myself to think that just because I had this surgery everything in my life is fixed and complete, because then I would be deceiving myself. This journey is taking me to places in my mind and soul that are sometimes to deep to even tell anyone else. This journey to forces me to take inventory of how I deal with stress, boredom, and laziness.
I entitled this blog, " My Life, New Choices" and that's what I'm trying to take control over. I've learned is that I have the power to choose what I do, what I eat, and how I live my life. Food is no longer my primary focus. Living is.
I am thankful that God has opened my eyes to see the me He created me to be. I am confident that I will grow stronger, and more active everyday. I chose to dream bigger dreams, and watch God work things out for me.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Work....
Work is sooooo overrated. Can you believe that a couple of days ago I was eager to go back to work??? I actually started missing getting up in the morning, and getting dressed. Well, that feeling quickly went away when the alarm clock started ringing at 6:00am. For some odd reason I had a really hard time sleeping. I kept getting that "first day of school" feeling. I was anxious, and nervous. I just kept imaging my co-workers would look at me, and know that I had Lap-Band Surgery.
Before my surgery, I struggled with the idea of telling people about my decision. I was comfortable telling my friends and family. But I had a strong urge not to tell my co-workers. To this day, I have only told two co-workers that I believe I could trust. It's not that I'm ashamed, its just I'm a very positive person, and my place of employment isn't the center of optimism.
All during the day, people just kept saying welcome back. But I could tell they wanted to know where I'd been, and what if anything is going on with me. No one asked, and I'm not volunteering any information. Should someone ask, I will tell but not before then.
In other news....I have a major problem to all mothers that have read my blog about baby food. Seriously people, seriously. No one thought to write, call, or e-mail me about the lack of favor of baby food. Ok, I can't call it a lack of favor, it had a favor....It just wasn't edible. Oh my Gosh....I know understand why babies spit it out....Oh well, so much for that..
Anyone interested in buying several jars of baby food?!?!?!??!?!
Before my surgery, I struggled with the idea of telling people about my decision. I was comfortable telling my friends and family. But I had a strong urge not to tell my co-workers. To this day, I have only told two co-workers that I believe I could trust. It's not that I'm ashamed, its just I'm a very positive person, and my place of employment isn't the center of optimism.
All during the day, people just kept saying welcome back. But I could tell they wanted to know where I'd been, and what if anything is going on with me. No one asked, and I'm not volunteering any information. Should someone ask, I will tell but not before then.
In other news....I have a major problem to all mothers that have read my blog about baby food. Seriously people, seriously. No one thought to write, call, or e-mail me about the lack of favor of baby food. Ok, I can't call it a lack of favor, it had a favor....It just wasn't edible. Oh my Gosh....I know understand why babies spit it out....Oh well, so much for that..
Anyone interested in buying several jars of baby food?!?!?!??!?!
Monday, February 26, 2007
Out of my comfort zone
For the past two weeks I've been recovering under the watchful eyes of my grandparents. Not having much of appetite, and not being able to drive I've been content with staying in their house. I knew sooner or later I would have to break my comfortable bubble and return to my house. I've been scared and concerned about my willingness to stick with the plan. Before the surgery, I just knew that I would be able to do it. Well, thinking it and doing it, is two different things.
On Saturday, I left my grandparents house to begin the journey on my own. Before I reached my home, my will was tested. On my block alone, I have to pass at least 5 fast food restaurants. Restaurants that I would frequently visit, sometimes daily. As I entered my stuffy home, I was overcome with emotion. How would I do this with no one watching??? How would I succeed all on my own??? Could I really do it????
As I began unpacking, I remembered something I'd heard in church a while ago. I remembered that God never leaves me. So in that moment of despair, I was filled with such hope. To know that even when I feel so alone, God fills that space with comfort. I've told you before that I thank God for all the support I've been given from my family and friends. It gives me strength, encouragement.
On Saturday, I left my grandparents house to begin the journey on my own. Before I reached my home, my will was tested. On my block alone, I have to pass at least 5 fast food restaurants. Restaurants that I would frequently visit, sometimes daily. As I entered my stuffy home, I was overcome with emotion. How would I do this with no one watching??? How would I succeed all on my own??? Could I really do it????
As I began unpacking, I remembered something I'd heard in church a while ago. I remembered that God never leaves me. So in that moment of despair, I was filled with such hope. To know that even when I feel so alone, God fills that space with comfort. I've told you before that I thank God for all the support I've been given from my family and friends. It gives me strength, encouragement.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Report from the doctor...
Ok... I told you yesterday that I weighed myself on my home scale. I can't tell you the pressure my parents put on me to tell them the results. But I kept my word, and I didn't tell anyone until after I left the doctors office.
Well, are you ready to hear the results. Well, I have GREAT NEWS!!!!
According to the scale at the doctors office, I've lost 15 pounds this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My first goal has been met. I can't tell you the satisfaction of seeing the number 272.4 on the scale. I wanted to hug every nurse/doctor in the place!!! I must thank them for granting my tool to a NEW ME!!!!!
But that's not all....According to the results I've lost a total of 21 pounds since February 8th...Now that I can't believe, but I certainly am glad.
I thank God, for first blessing me through a successful surgery. I thank him all the more, for walking every step with me through this healing process. I believe with my whole heart, that whatever God promises, He will accomplish...For in Him there is NO failure.
So I'm on my way, I can't stop now...
Well, are you ready to hear the results. Well, I have GREAT NEWS!!!!
According to the scale at the doctors office, I've lost 15 pounds this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My first goal has been met. I can't tell you the satisfaction of seeing the number 272.4 on the scale. I wanted to hug every nurse/doctor in the place!!! I must thank them for granting my tool to a NEW ME!!!!!
But that's not all....According to the results I've lost a total of 21 pounds since February 8th...Now that I can't believe, but I certainly am glad.
I thank God, for first blessing me through a successful surgery. I thank him all the more, for walking every step with me through this healing process. I believe with my whole heart, that whatever God promises, He will accomplish...For in Him there is NO failure.
So I'm on my way, I can't stop now...
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
One week in the books!!!
Ok... I'm excited on so many levels..To the point that I can't really put into words how I feel.
To start, if someone had told me I could survive on liquids only for an entire week, and not be hungry, I wouldn't even believe it... But, I have. I really noticed today, that I'm doing just fine with my water, jello, Popsicle's... In reality, if I had a couple more days of this, I probably would have lost my mind!!!
Well, know its time for the next phrase of this adventure, and I'll admit, I'm getting a little nervous. ***Ok, because I trust that you won't tell anyone, I did something today that I promised myself I would do. Well, today before I was taking a shower I noticed a scale in my grandparents bathroom. Why, I'm just noticing, I don't have a clue. Well, against my own judgement I stepped on it. Needless to say, I won't believe what I saw until tomorrow. And I can't tell you until tomorrow as well. Sorry, I just can't put this item out until it's confirmed or denied, but trust me you'll be the first to know. Now remember this is just between you and me.****
I go to the doctor for my post-op visit tomorrow..Tomorrow, will result in either tears of sadness because I didn't meet my first goal, or tears of joy because for the first time, I set a weight loss goal, and I would have meet that goal.
For the next two weeks I will be on a soft food diet. That means I will only be allowed to eat food that can be mushed up. Things like canned tuna in water, baked fish, watermelon, baby food, Low Fat oatmeal, grits, Low Fat/Sugar Free yogurt, eggs, mashed potatoes, and Low Fat cottage cheese. Exciting, I know!!!!! The goal for the next to weeks, is to eat at least 50 grams of protein a day. In addition, I am under guidelines as far as nutrient information is considered. According to my doctor, I am to have no more than 6 grams of fat, and 3 grams of sugar per serving. In preparation for the next phrase of this adventure, my Grandparents and I went grocery shopping today,you'd be amazed how long it takes to shop when you have to look at every label, to ensure that you are meeting requirements. Three hours, and three grocery stores later, we'd found everything on the list.
Have you ever gotten excited going down the tuna aisle???? No????? Well, you'd be surprise what the anticipation of tasting actual food feels like. When we reached the baby food aisle, my giddiness reached another level. I know, I know, I maybe stretching this giddy thing, but seriously...I've never in my life, that I can remember, been excited to eat baby food, and I can't wait until tomorrow. Did you know they have kinds of baby food???? ****Mothers, please pardon my ignorance, but this is all new to me!!!!!***** I mean they make peaches, squash, carrots...But here's what got me...They even make macaroni and cheese, and lasagna with meat sauce. I'm telling you, if they aren't good, I'll be really disappointed. But at least I would have tried them.
Until tommorow....and remember don't tell anyone our secret...
To start, if someone had told me I could survive on liquids only for an entire week, and not be hungry, I wouldn't even believe it... But, I have. I really noticed today, that I'm doing just fine with my water, jello, Popsicle's... In reality, if I had a couple more days of this, I probably would have lost my mind!!!
Well, know its time for the next phrase of this adventure, and I'll admit, I'm getting a little nervous. ***Ok, because I trust that you won't tell anyone, I did something today that I promised myself I would do. Well, today before I was taking a shower I noticed a scale in my grandparents bathroom. Why, I'm just noticing, I don't have a clue. Well, against my own judgement I stepped on it. Needless to say, I won't believe what I saw until tomorrow. And I can't tell you until tomorrow as well. Sorry, I just can't put this item out until it's confirmed or denied, but trust me you'll be the first to know. Now remember this is just between you and me.****
I go to the doctor for my post-op visit tomorrow..Tomorrow, will result in either tears of sadness because I didn't meet my first goal, or tears of joy because for the first time, I set a weight loss goal, and I would have meet that goal.
For the next two weeks I will be on a soft food diet. That means I will only be allowed to eat food that can be mushed up. Things like canned tuna in water, baked fish, watermelon, baby food, Low Fat oatmeal, grits, Low Fat/Sugar Free yogurt, eggs, mashed potatoes, and Low Fat cottage cheese. Exciting, I know!!!!! The goal for the next to weeks, is to eat at least 50 grams of protein a day. In addition, I am under guidelines as far as nutrient information is considered. According to my doctor, I am to have no more than 6 grams of fat, and 3 grams of sugar per serving. In preparation for the next phrase of this adventure, my Grandparents and I went grocery shopping today,you'd be amazed how long it takes to shop when you have to look at every label, to ensure that you are meeting requirements. Three hours, and three grocery stores later, we'd found everything on the list.
Have you ever gotten excited going down the tuna aisle???? No????? Well, you'd be surprise what the anticipation of tasting actual food feels like. When we reached the baby food aisle, my giddiness reached another level. I know, I know, I maybe stretching this giddy thing, but seriously...I've never in my life, that I can remember, been excited to eat baby food, and I can't wait until tomorrow. Did you know they have kinds of baby food???? ****Mothers, please pardon my ignorance, but this is all new to me!!!!!***** I mean they make peaches, squash, carrots...But here's what got me...They even make macaroni and cheese, and lasagna with meat sauce. I'm telling you, if they aren't good, I'll be really disappointed. But at least I would have tried them.
Until tommorow....and remember don't tell anyone our secret...
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Thoughts and goals
OK...since my surgery, I've had experience serious lack of mobility. I can't drive, and I can't walk very fast, so going anywhere farther than the corner has proved to be challenging. Throughout these past five days it's occurs to me that there are several things that I should have done before my surgery. I encourage anyone that is thinking of this surgery, or any like it to consider the following:
Things I would have done differently:
1. Gotten my eyebrows arched. Everyday, I looked in the mirror, I am embarrassed..I mean really, I look like a wolf..and not a very pleasant one at that.
2. Gotten my feet done. Again, everyday, I look at my feet, and I think to myself, " Your mother raised you better than that."
3. Relaxed, by taking a long bath..Pampered myself, light some candles, turn on some soft jazz.
4. Finally, I would have gotten a good night sleep. I spent so much time the day before my surgery running around, my mind was still running when it was time for me to go to bed.
Please take my advice and keep these things updated. Don't be me...
In addition to having tons of free time on my hands, I've done a lot of thinking. I mean, there's only so much time you can spend on the Internet before your eyes start to cross. There's only so many movies that you can re-watch without thinking, "Why am I watching this for the thousandth time?" Or better yet, laughing at parts you've seen before, only to stop mid-chuckle, because it really wasn't that funny...
So today in the midst of my third nap, YES I AM SLEEPING AGAIN!!!!!!!
I thought to myself what are your goals now that you've had this surgery. I decided that they must be weight, and non-weight related goals. So here's what I remember, I have been SLEEP, most of the day!!!!!
Weight Goals:
**** Some may be wondering what's my highest weight: 297.0 in January 2007****
Ultimate goal weight: 160 pounds
Current weight ( as of 2/12/07): 287.8 pounds
Net weight to lose: 127.8 pounds
I go back to the doctor on Wednesday for my first weigh in, and if that scale doesn't say 272...Well, lets just say it's going to be smoke in the city!!!! I'm determined to drop 15 pounds this week. I think I can do it. Today I increased my walking from my grandparent block, to walking at least 8 blocks. I'm on it people!!! I refused for this surgery to be done in vain.
Other non-weight related goals:
1. The most important reason for me having this surgery is because I am a diabetic. I was diagnosed in 2003, and I take Metformin 500mg three times a day. I want off the meds, and the sooner the better. It's time for it to GO.
2. To wear a size 14/16 in tops and bottoms
***Currently, wearing a 26/28 in both****
3. To be able to buy bras in a regular store. Most people I meet think having large breasts is cool..So the opposite.
4. To be able to cross legs comfortably. I don't remember ever doing it..But I'm going to get there.
5. To get rid of this back fat. Seriously, where did it come from. One day I looked up and my shirt was just stuck in one the pockets. I don't remember getting it, but I'll be happy when it's gone. In fact I wish is Goodbye, and Good riddance Today..
6. To be able to walk without my thighs rubbing together. I live in Texas, and in the summer it's got to be hotter than hell...and I'm trying to wear cute skirts to keep warm, and my thighs keep sticking. I'm through with it. I'm to old/young to have to wear some kind of short under everything to keep this from happening...
7. Ok, I've stood up and am looking in the mirror, to identify things that need to change...and I've decided, I want a butt. As long as I can remember, I've been flat as a board. I believe anything is possible so, I want a butt. I want to be able to wear my tops tucked in, and not have to wonder where my butt should be.
Alright, I think that's about it...I'll be sure to update when I think of more. But praise God, I'm sleepy again.
****Sorry...just thought of something else..I want to go skydriving. I've always wanted to go, but you have to be under 250 pounds...As soon as the scale says 249.9, I'm signing up!!!!
Things I would have done differently:
1. Gotten my eyebrows arched. Everyday, I looked in the mirror, I am embarrassed..I mean really, I look like a wolf..and not a very pleasant one at that.
2. Gotten my feet done. Again, everyday, I look at my feet, and I think to myself, " Your mother raised you better than that."
3. Relaxed, by taking a long bath..Pampered myself, light some candles, turn on some soft jazz.
4. Finally, I would have gotten a good night sleep. I spent so much time the day before my surgery running around, my mind was still running when it was time for me to go to bed.
Please take my advice and keep these things updated. Don't be me...
In addition to having tons of free time on my hands, I've done a lot of thinking. I mean, there's only so much time you can spend on the Internet before your eyes start to cross. There's only so many movies that you can re-watch without thinking, "Why am I watching this for the thousandth time?" Or better yet, laughing at parts you've seen before, only to stop mid-chuckle, because it really wasn't that funny...
So today in the midst of my third nap, YES I AM SLEEPING AGAIN!!!!!!!
I thought to myself what are your goals now that you've had this surgery. I decided that they must be weight, and non-weight related goals. So here's what I remember, I have been SLEEP, most of the day!!!!!
Weight Goals:
**** Some may be wondering what's my highest weight: 297.0 in January 2007****
Ultimate goal weight: 160 pounds
Current weight ( as of 2/12/07): 287.8 pounds
Net weight to lose: 127.8 pounds
I go back to the doctor on Wednesday for my first weigh in, and if that scale doesn't say 272...Well, lets just say it's going to be smoke in the city!!!! I'm determined to drop 15 pounds this week. I think I can do it. Today I increased my walking from my grandparent block, to walking at least 8 blocks. I'm on it people!!! I refused for this surgery to be done in vain.
Other non-weight related goals:
1. The most important reason for me having this surgery is because I am a diabetic. I was diagnosed in 2003, and I take Metformin 500mg three times a day. I want off the meds, and the sooner the better. It's time for it to GO.
2. To wear a size 14/16 in tops and bottoms
***Currently, wearing a 26/28 in both****
3. To be able to buy bras in a regular store. Most people I meet think having large breasts is cool..So the opposite.
4. To be able to cross legs comfortably. I don't remember ever doing it..But I'm going to get there.
5. To get rid of this back fat. Seriously, where did it come from. One day I looked up and my shirt was just stuck in one the pockets. I don't remember getting it, but I'll be happy when it's gone. In fact I wish is Goodbye, and Good riddance Today..
6. To be able to walk without my thighs rubbing together. I live in Texas, and in the summer it's got to be hotter than hell...and I'm trying to wear cute skirts to keep warm, and my thighs keep sticking. I'm through with it. I'm to old/young to have to wear some kind of short under everything to keep this from happening...
7. Ok, I've stood up and am looking in the mirror, to identify things that need to change...and I've decided, I want a butt. As long as I can remember, I've been flat as a board. I believe anything is possible so, I want a butt. I want to be able to wear my tops tucked in, and not have to wonder where my butt should be.
Alright, I think that's about it...I'll be sure to update when I think of more. But praise God, I'm sleepy again.
****Sorry...just thought of something else..I want to go skydriving. I've always wanted to go, but you have to be under 250 pounds...As soon as the scale says 249.9, I'm signing up!!!!
Friday, February 16, 2007
Day 2 & 3: Keeping things honest
Well...I've made it to day 3!!!!
Last night, I decided sleep was more important than being tough. I had two teaspoons of some pain medicine, and before I knew it..I was knocked out!!!! I thank God that I had a good rest-filled slumber, I really needed it.
It crossed my mind that I haven't mentioned what I've been able to eat over the past few days. Due to the surgery, and the effect of having a swollen stomach, I am only able to eat clear-liquids. So basically for seven days, I can eat, or maybe drink is a better word: water, ice chips, sugar-free jello, crystal light, sugar-free Popsicles, and broth. According to the surgeon, my goal is 64 oz. everyday. After writing down everything I ate yesterday, I was excited to learn I could eat a lot more than I thought.
So this is what I normally have during the day...
*****It is important to note that drinking with meals is not recommended, and it's preferred that you wait at least one hour after you've eaten to drink......******
Morning:
1 bottled water -16.9 fl/ oz
Breakfast
Chicken/Beef broth- 4-6 fl oz
1 sugar-free jello- 3.25 fl. oz
Snack
1 bottled water- 16.9 fl. oz
1 sugar free Popsicle- 2.0 fl oz
Dinner
Chicken/Beef broth- 4-6 fl. oz
1 sugar-free jello- 3.25 fl. oz.
1 sugar-free Popsicle- 2.0 fl. oz
Snack
1 bottled water- 16.9 fl oz.
I noticed today that I can eat a lot more in the evenings than I can in the morning. I will have to watch this once I'm able to go back on solid foods. Which by the way is in another 2.5 weeks.
Also, pushed by my grandmother and mom, I started walking at least 20-30 minutes a day. While I can't stand to admit it, they were right when they said it would make me feel better.
In addition, I has my first visitor today. John came over, and took me to Best Buy to get a new computer, and to Bath, Bed, and Beyond to get a much needed neck pillow. I have to admit getting out the house, and hanging out with him, made things seems almost back to normal. It wasn't until I got really tired on the way back that we both looked at each other, " oh yeah, you did just have surgery!!!!" Anyway today was a great day!!!
Last night, I decided sleep was more important than being tough. I had two teaspoons of some pain medicine, and before I knew it..I was knocked out!!!! I thank God that I had a good rest-filled slumber, I really needed it.
It crossed my mind that I haven't mentioned what I've been able to eat over the past few days. Due to the surgery, and the effect of having a swollen stomach, I am only able to eat clear-liquids. So basically for seven days, I can eat, or maybe drink is a better word: water, ice chips, sugar-free jello, crystal light, sugar-free Popsicles, and broth. According to the surgeon, my goal is 64 oz. everyday. After writing down everything I ate yesterday, I was excited to learn I could eat a lot more than I thought.
So this is what I normally have during the day...
*****It is important to note that drinking with meals is not recommended, and it's preferred that you wait at least one hour after you've eaten to drink......******
Morning:
1 bottled water -16.9 fl/ oz
Breakfast
Chicken/Beef broth- 4-6 fl oz
1 sugar-free jello- 3.25 fl. oz
Snack
1 bottled water- 16.9 fl. oz
1 sugar free Popsicle- 2.0 fl oz
Dinner
Chicken/Beef broth- 4-6 fl. oz
1 sugar-free jello- 3.25 fl. oz.
1 sugar-free Popsicle- 2.0 fl. oz
Snack
1 bottled water- 16.9 fl oz.
I noticed today that I can eat a lot more in the evenings than I can in the morning. I will have to watch this once I'm able to go back on solid foods. Which by the way is in another 2.5 weeks.
Also, pushed by my grandmother and mom, I started walking at least 20-30 minutes a day. While I can't stand to admit it, they were right when they said it would make me feel better.
In addition, I has my first visitor today. John came over, and took me to Best Buy to get a new computer, and to Bath, Bed, and Beyond to get a much needed neck pillow. I have to admit getting out the house, and hanging out with him, made things seems almost back to normal. It wasn't until I got really tired on the way back that we both looked at each other, " oh yeah, you did just have surgery!!!!" Anyway today was a great day!!!
Day 2 & 3: Keeping things honest
The following was written over a two day span...However, I was just to tried, frustrated, and any other adjective to describe the situation.
After feeling reasonably good on Tuesday, the day of my surgery, I was expecting the same ability on Day 2. Boy, was I seriously mistaken. Perhaps it was my optimistic thinking that set me up for huge disappointment. As I attempted to sleep, Tues night, I soon realized no matter what I did, how many pillows I tried to fluff there was no comfort to be found. Not one for taking pain medicine, I thought I'd just rough it out.
Perhaps, it was the lack of sleep, or overworking myself the 1st day, but whatever to case was, Wednesday, I was upset, agitated, angry, and just plain mean.
I'd read all about the pain of recovery. But for some reason, I thought I was exempt. It's funny...sometimes the truth has a way of catching up with you, and making you face reality. I tried not to sulk around, and feel bad about my situation, but every time, I lifted 8oz. of broth to drink my attitude became worse.
It took a lot for me to write this down..I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me, or discouraged from having this similar surgery..But like I said earlier, you have to accept reality. The truth is, I am uncomfortable, and probably not a very pleasant person to be around right now...But I know this is just temporary...As the Bible says, "THIS TOO SHALL PASS"
After feeling reasonably good on Tuesday, the day of my surgery, I was expecting the same ability on Day 2. Boy, was I seriously mistaken. Perhaps it was my optimistic thinking that set me up for huge disappointment. As I attempted to sleep, Tues night, I soon realized no matter what I did, how many pillows I tried to fluff there was no comfort to be found. Not one for taking pain medicine, I thought I'd just rough it out.
Perhaps, it was the lack of sleep, or overworking myself the 1st day, but whatever to case was, Wednesday, I was upset, agitated, angry, and just plain mean.
I'd read all about the pain of recovery. But for some reason, I thought I was exempt. It's funny...sometimes the truth has a way of catching up with you, and making you face reality. I tried not to sulk around, and feel bad about my situation, but every time, I lifted 8oz. of broth to drink my attitude became worse.
It took a lot for me to write this down..I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me, or discouraged from having this similar surgery..But like I said earlier, you have to accept reality. The truth is, I am uncomfortable, and probably not a very pleasant person to be around right now...But I know this is just temporary...As the Bible says, "THIS TOO SHALL PASS"
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Time to say Thank You...
Well, today was the day....
Whenever people say “Don’t judge a book by the cover"...well today I know that's true... Renaissance Hospital maybe small in comparison to most, and I mean most, hospital that I've ever since. But God works miracles in everyone and everything. For the first nurse, Linda in preop...to Angela and Jaime in Recovery, to the wonderful nurse staff in ICU. I thank God for having them carefully watch over me. For every smile of reassurance, to every vote of confidence, they helped in ways that I can even express.
I would like to thank all my friends and family who called, and or prayed for me today. The Bible says, “The prayers of the righteous availeth much", and God showed himself faithful, mighty, and true. I praise God today that he hears and answers prayers.
Finally, I must thank my Grandparents. As I stated before I have the best Grandparents in the world, and I am truly blessed to even know them. When I think back over my life, there's not a moment that is not touched, or inspired by them. When discussion of the Lap Band surgery first began, I remember the only comment from my Grandmother was "Just tell me when and where, and I'll be there." And they both are true to their word. This morning when we left the house at 5:14am my Grandparents support never shifted, in fact it was made stronger.
Yesterday, I told you how much my Mother has meant. Today was time to show gratitude for my grandparents...True examples of God's love, a love that never fails.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Tomorrow is the beginning of a new chapter..
Tomorrow.....Sometimes we take tomorrow for granted. Not really appreciating that we are not promised it.
As I began to prepare for my surgery, I tried to stay in constant prayer. I tried to keep reminding myself that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord. I tried listening the gospel radio station, but nothing really calmed my spirit.
Perhaps that's because the day started so crazy. It began with the discovery that my brand new laptop refused to work. Talk about stressed!!! Then struggling with customer support to explain, I didn't break it and it was their job to fix... When it comes to things I pay good money for, I require good service. But anyway, after three hours of transferring and listening to the mind-blogging on-hold music, my computer was fixed. I thought after that I would gain some sense of relieve. But that relieve never came....
All I could then think about was that three hours of my precious day were gone, and I still had to wash, pack, clean my house and car, go to Walmart, and get to my grandparents house before dark, and it was already 4:00.
It wasn't until I finally arrived at my grandparents house at 9:30pm and opened a card from my mother that I felt calm.
The Maya Angelou card beautifully stated " While everything around you is changing, you are also changing. Trust your new self to adapt in all the things you do. Remember, all that you are experiencing has been to prepare you to live in confidence, to fill the space only you can fill. You will shine through this time."
I thank God everyday for my mother, but no more than I did right at that moment. I believe with all my heart that God places people, and situations around you to encourage, strengthen, and sustain you.
So Mom, while your reading this in the morning, please know that I praise God for the love and support that only a Mother can give.
As I began to prepare for my surgery, I tried to stay in constant prayer. I tried to keep reminding myself that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord. I tried listening the gospel radio station, but nothing really calmed my spirit.
Perhaps that's because the day started so crazy. It began with the discovery that my brand new laptop refused to work. Talk about stressed!!! Then struggling with customer support to explain, I didn't break it and it was their job to fix... When it comes to things I pay good money for, I require good service. But anyway, after three hours of transferring and listening to the mind-blogging on-hold music, my computer was fixed. I thought after that I would gain some sense of relieve. But that relieve never came....
All I could then think about was that three hours of my precious day were gone, and I still had to wash, pack, clean my house and car, go to Walmart, and get to my grandparents house before dark, and it was already 4:00.
It wasn't until I finally arrived at my grandparents house at 9:30pm and opened a card from my mother that I felt calm.
The Maya Angelou card beautifully stated " While everything around you is changing, you are also changing. Trust your new self to adapt in all the things you do. Remember, all that you are experiencing has been to prepare you to live in confidence, to fill the space only you can fill. You will shine through this time."
I thank God everyday for my mother, but no more than I did right at that moment. I believe with all my heart that God places people, and situations around you to encourage, strengthen, and sustain you.
So Mom, while your reading this in the morning, please know that I praise God for the love and support that only a Mother can give.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Welcome
My name is Ashley, and I grew up in Chicago as an only child, by two loving parents, and the best grandparents in the world. I was encouraged to try to accomplish every goal I could set for myself. Every time I think about the love and encouragement of my family, I am deeply humbled, and eternally grateful.
With all my successes, there has always been a challenge I have yet to overcome. That challenge is my weight.
For as long as I can remember I have been overweight. No matter how many diets, or exercise plans, I've tried the worse my eating became. As I got older, I turned to food for comfort. Whenever I was upset, angry, or lonely, I would turn to food. In fact, while recently taking a walk down memory lane, everyone of my memories revolved around food.
In 2003, I was diagnosed with PCOS, and pre-diabetes. I was told that both were a result of all the excess weight I was carrying. Almost immediately, I tried to change my eating habits, but before long I was right back to my old habits.
After doing much praying and thinking, I trust that God has lead me to Dr. Marvin's and OSS-Houston. I pray that by taking this step, I am on a healthy path.
This is my journey to a new life......and new choices..
With all my successes, there has always been a challenge I have yet to overcome. That challenge is my weight.
For as long as I can remember I have been overweight. No matter how many diets, or exercise plans, I've tried the worse my eating became. As I got older, I turned to food for comfort. Whenever I was upset, angry, or lonely, I would turn to food. In fact, while recently taking a walk down memory lane, everyone of my memories revolved around food.
In 2003, I was diagnosed with PCOS, and pre-diabetes. I was told that both were a result of all the excess weight I was carrying. Almost immediately, I tried to change my eating habits, but before long I was right back to my old habits.
After doing much praying and thinking, I trust that God has lead me to Dr. Marvin's and OSS-Houston. I pray that by taking this step, I am on a healthy path.
This is my journey to a new life......and new choices..
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